you keep using that word

“i do not think it means what you think it means”

-the princess bride

Part of doing this project and setting these goals for myself was also to better understand my own motivations. The “why” of my actions and inactions.  J.M. thanked me for wanting to undertake this somewhat* secret blog project with her.  I replied that i needed to do this.  

Then I stopped.

I thought about the words want and need for a second.  I thought about the last few years of my life.  I thought about the next few years of my life.  I don’t want to do much of anything lately.  I definitely don’t need to be writing somewhat self centered missives to the online world.  I figure there are quite enough of those.  I concluded the more appropriate word is should.  And not just I but We.  

We should be writing every day about the many good things we find in the world around us.  We should be sharing these things with others.  Not to impress or to gain notoriety or points.  Not to sway opinion or put the self up as an authority.  The idea is that we should be shining a spotlight on the very many little things that are overlooked every day because these are things that deserve to be recognized and shared.  And more than just that, others deserve to know about them.  

We are not the leaders of cool.  We are not experts in fields.  We are not authorities on how you should live or be.  We are everyday people with small voices and scattered brains and failing eyes. And for every little thing we catch there will be billions we don’t. But those few we manage to discover, we would very much like to share with you.  Sincerely and without irony.  

My motivation is the desire to overcome my own depression fueled apathy.  The apathy fueled by loss and regret and sadness that I have been mired in for far, far too long.  My motivation is to escape the swamp of sadness and begin to fight the Nothing. 

So.  

Here we go.

Together.

*The “somewhat” being that it is so far a secret from the people that know us in our other online and real world lives.  Which may seem contrary to the goal.  Because it is.  But hey, come on.  I’m a shy self conscious dude.  Baby steps ok?   A little patience.  We’ll get there.

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