blue moons, impending decisions, beginnings and endings

So much, so much…
Sleepless year end nights,
pajama pockets full of crumbs and regrets.
Sneaking cookies, memories into bed for late night nibbling away.
Fears, foreboding, wishes deferred to lay an aching head upon.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting for falling sunlight, day, year, decade.
Fresh starts, frozen toes, naked feet in midnight snow.
Oh to begin again.
Starting over, once upon a times and happily ever afters.
Diverging paths left unanswered, bad tastes on tongues.
Oh to catch snowflakes again with a child’s eyes.
I want again the benchseat, wrapped in blankets, dashboard heat, cracked windows, icy breeze, cigarette smoke, sleepy eyes, childlike first snowfalls, midnight drives. Picking up my mother at some brightly lit city hospital. I remember these early days. Three deep on pickup truck seat. Snow swirling. Roads empty. Father’s sure hand at the wheel. I knew we’d get home every time.
These days I’m not so sure.
Even a steady hand needs a direction.

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